text © Jonathan Zap
One of the most powerful experiences that human incarnation has to offer is the soulmate love relationship. Soulmate love relationships are not necessarily romantic relationships. Not every romantic relationship is between soulmates, and not every soulmate relationship is romantic. Sometimes a soulmate relationship could involve romantic longing from one party that is not reciprocated by the other. There are many highly individualized possibilities. What soulmate relations have in common is that two entities are connected by deep, inner ties. Soulmates do not have to both be members of the same species. Soulmate relationships between a human and a cat or dog, for example, are quite common.
Soulmate relations offer some of the greatest opportunities for fulfillment in life, but also some of the deepest suffering as well. Soulmate relations are likely to bring higher highs and lower lows. Soulmates can sometimes strike out at each other, abandon and/or betray each other, and become separated from each other by death or other forces. Sharing your soul with another is a perilous process that brings great possibilities of metamorphosis and fulfillment, but also great possibilities for dependency and torment. Soulmate relationships require that you both bond deeply with someone, but also surrender control and attachment to the other.
The most common mistake people make about soulmates is the delusional, selfish and exclusionary belief that there is one true and all-encompassing soulmate to be found. Unless your incarnation is highly impoverished, soulmates should be plural, not singular. Some people will focus selfishly and obsessively on finding that one special romantic soulmate in a way that causes them to miss many opportunities for love. Soulmate relations are very often not romantic, and when we excessively romanticize soulmates we tend to blame them for the collapse of our idealizations, and then abandon them as we search for that one true ideal soulmate. And if you found your greatest opportunity for a romantic soulmate, having such an attitude would likely overburden and even destroy the relationship.
Instead of thinking about finding “my soulmate” think instead about recognizing your “tribe of soulmates,” many of whom you probably already know. Consider this card, “Finding your Soulmate Tribe:”
If you are reading this card, then it is overwhelmingly likely that you are incarnating as a social mammal. As a social mammal, so much of the pain and pleasure, so much of the suffering and meaningfulness and fulfillment of your incarnation relates to the other social mammals in your life. No amount of money or sexual conquests will ever begin to compensate you for a lack of soulmate relationships. Relating to random acquaintances and relating to soulmates are two entirely different dimensions. Many people make the mistake of taking their profound inner longing for deep connection and projecting it onto the fantasy of finding that one, all-luminous romantic soulmate. But it would make for a more interesting, varied and developmental incarnation if you had multiple soulmates, and many different kinds of life-affirming relationships. What you are looking for are those to whom you are connected by inner ties. All other attributes may vary with the fantastical variety of human individuality. There is, however, one aspect I especially recommend you evaluate in prospective tribemates — –commitment to consciousness. The other could be at a very different level of consciousness (in that case one of you will likely serve as mentor to the less developed one). But if your goal is development, it will be wise to have some tribemates who share your level of commitment to consciousness. There may, of course, be all sorts of asymmetries in every other aspect such as age, wealth, looks, and even more fundamental asymmetries in religion, sexual orientation, god concept, world view, optimism and pessimism. But if there is some sort of symmetry in commitment to consciousness, there is the possibility of having a spiritual ally, a social mammal or other type of entity with whom there is great potential for developmental symbiosis, for a synergy of minds, hearts and souls. An empowered spiritual ally can provide you with meaningful feedback, he can “mirror” you, but not merely in the narcissistic sense of affirming your ego identity, Rather he can be an interpenetrating mirror that aids in the revelation of hidden aspects of yourself, aspects of both your shadow and your inner light. It would be ideal if you had several such spiritual allies in your life. It’s become a cliché to say that “it takes a village to raise a child.” That might be what it takes to raise a child, but to raise a mutant takes a tribe of fellow mutants who can act as spiritual allies.
If you have such relationships, nurture them. Appreciate them and acknowledge the power they have in your life; they are like planets in a complex orbit with your planet. If you presently seem to be lacking such relationships, then you must be an amazingly good spiritual ally for yourself. If you feel a soulful longing for such relationships that is not being fulfilled, then stay open and alert to the possibilities. And don’t limit yourself to social mammals, there may be other sorts of entities, some of whom may once have been social mammals. For example, a great author from the past can serve as a spiritual ally. It would be meeting more than halfway if you were out prowling for such relationships, because you cannot force them to happen. Those who are connected by inner ties manage to find each other, and that process is often assisted by the most improbable synchronicities.
see Stop the Hottie! and
Casting Precious into the Cracks of Doom…
No Tristans Allowed Beyond this Point — Debunking the Western Myth of Romantic Love
and other documents in the Eros: Love and Sexuality category of the writing section