When is a Dark Tower not a Dark Tower?

When is a Dark Tower not a Dark Tower?

Answer: When it is a sucktacular. piece-of-shit “adaptation” of a fantasy masterpiece with ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with the source material.

Hey committee of Holywood assholes who think you know better than a genius who spent decades developing a brilliant mythology—next time you get a notion to do something like make Lord of the Rings more marketable by changing the main characters to Jersey Shore teenagers competing for an amateur surfing competition trophy called “The Precious, ” just make your own piece-of-shit movie and call it something else! #You forgot the face of your father and deserve to be eaten alive by lobstrosities.